You have a good support system at home
You would have thought I had won an Emmy, Nobel Peace Prize, or maybe a Pulitzer prize!
Jackson and I this Summer before he left for the mission trip to Kentucky where he built an access wheelchair ramp with other high school kids in his youth group.
Alright, it’s time to step out of my shy, reserved, and protective cocoon for a moment due to my awesome child. Normally I love to just post fictitious stories and I don’t like to be in the spotlight at all, but I absolutely have to shed a glimmer of light on myself because of my oldest son. Jackson, you are just simply amazing to me.
When your Dad and I started this parenting gig several years ago, we had no idea what we would be up against. I had polyhydramnios when I was pregnant with you which means I had an abnormal amount of amniotic fluid in the womb. Really there is no known cause for this and there also isn’t a way to prevent this either. Your doctor instantly ordered a detailed sonogram, but luckily everything checked out physically with my son. However, what gynecologists fail to tell the parents of a child born to a Mom with this pregnancy issue is that it can cause chromosomal abnormalities. The worrying set in instantly. You instantly panic and there’s really nowhere to go with that worry until the tests come back. Luckily, your scans before you were even born came back normal. What they couldn’t rule out was ADHD and DMDD. I know many would argue with me, but I feel that the excess amniotic fluid that I simply couldn’t help with you led to your ADHD and DMDD. I know it has to do with your Dad’s genetic gene pool also.
Just imagine the terror set in as you sit in front of a laptop with every single thing in place in your life, the world is ready for this baby, and then you are handed this grave news without any type of bedside manner in place. After I dug myself out of what felt like a terrifying black hole that took my breath away, I instantly started reading as many journal articles on polyhydramnois and the affect on babies born to a Mom with this. You see, I was in graduate school at the time for special education and I had access to various information about this need. I was on like a treasure hunt and found what I didn’t want to hear, but at least I was prepared just in case the worst occurred. A few years after you were born, the other shoe dropped like it always seems to do, and the fear of ADHD set in.
Many of us are familiar with ADHD, but DMDD is a newer term in the world of mental health. DMDD is disruptive mood dysregulation disorder. Basically, he argues excessively with me when he forgets to take his medicine. Trust me as I can tell immediately as his Mom if he forgets his medicine. We have had our ups and downs due to this particular need, but I have to remain calm. I dread even asking him to do a thing sometimes because I never know what kind of ruckus a simple question might cause. Once I pleaded with him for literally thirty minutes to put on his shoes when he was playing kickball through Parks and Rec. Now, my son simply puts on his shoes within five minutes. Progress might not be apparent to some, but to a parent with a child that has special needs you automatically realize exactly how precious simple moments can be since you remember the terrifying days.
Even though my kid has climbed a mountain in his life without even trying, he continues to trek through the jagged edges of his life with ease at times. This Summer, he went on a mission trip with others his age to rural Kentucky. I am pleased to share that he helped to build a wheelchair access ramp for a woman in need with cancer. He has gone well beyond my expectations with volunteering through church and I feel as if he is a better person due to this. Thank you so much to those that led our teenagers through this week and fostered the groups need so that they could also help those in need. It fills me with great pride. Jackson has his days, hours, and even moments. I know that we are his safe space, so we hear everything. However, like an onion with several different layers to it, this teen is just like that onion. He has his creative side, then there is the side in need of constant action. Yet he has an argumentative side. I am definitely proud of the young man that he’s becoming and I had to brag on him for just a moment. Life is never easy for him, but he never fails to amaze me.
My son measuring and cutting a board for the wheelchair access ramp earlier this Summer.
Fast-forwarding to a few months later, Jackson is knee deep in the middle of cross-country practice, trying to run a 5K in less than twenty minutes, and juggling a newly found girlfriend. Oh, wait. They are “friends”, but I will take it as he continues to try to make friends and reach out to others even though socializing can be a bit of a struggle for him at times. I silently watch and feel my guidance as a Mom slipping away ever so gradually as he gets older. This is normal, but as a Mom who has had to be so forthright for your child over the years, you just sit back and smile because you know just how far your kid has come. It really is quite exciting as a Mom to see the young man that you have raised who went from a goofy little guy, then to a sarcastic middle schooler, and now he is a responsible young man reminding me that I need to get gas, tackling dishes, completing homework, and striving all along even though moment to moment can be a battle for him. I am in awe that I have managed to guide this child through life’s many journeys.
I was completely blind-sided when I went to his IEP meeting a few weeks ago. I am a former Special Education teacher, so I tried so hard not to cry happy tears because the team really didn’t have anything to add except that he’s just awesome. Basically, I heard descriptive words thrown around like he is smart, always trying, he makes his IEP work for him, and a plethora of other positive things. Really, he would have been a kid that I would have contemplated dismissing from services when I taught, but I always hated to do that because kids with special needs always need assistance when we don’t really expect it. I just sat back completely exhausted and yet I wanted to burst with pride. I wanted to break my calm composure and shout from the roof that my kid has overcome so damn much to get to this moment in time, he is still scaling this mountain called mental health, and yet he wants to do so many things that everyone else is doing. I have worked so hard with Jackson to get to this point. During his Freshman year, I remember checking grades incessantly and just praying for F’s to turn to D’s so that he could participate in track or cross country and also get class credit towards graduation. Slowly, grade turned around towards the end of his Freshman year. My anxiety was still very high and his medicine was changed around. For several years, I had been against a stimulant for his ADHD, but he was placed on a very low dose of a stimulant medication even though I was very worried. I know that medication wasn’t the only factor causing my son to blossom into a caring, wonderful young man that Summer. However, it was the beginning. There have been remarkable moments and then there have been the trying moments where I am scared beyond all belief because he’s yelling at the top of his lungs, I am nervously calling my boyfriend because I am completely freaked out, and shaking just a little bit because he refuses to take his meds some days here and there. Don’t worry as those days are far and few between, but I know that they deep, dark monster called Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder can always lurk its ugly head. Even though my boyfriend lives several miles away, I still felt his support from afar. I did get the support from his biological Dad who is still in the picture and took time after work that day to tell him that he simply has to take his meds. Therefore, to hear that he has a wonderful support system at school and that he appears to have a wonderful support at home even though I am a newly divorced Mom just made me lose it. Tears started to stream from my eyes in a good way the minute that I sat down in my car and I felt as if I was floating on air as I made my way out of the building that day after his IEP meeting. I am still always on top of it and insisted that he have added support in Government and English class during his Senior year along with his special study hall class. Why? It’s simple. I’m a Mama Bear. Nothing gets past me. I have made it through some brutal storms with this one and raising the younger two has been an absolute joy. Don’t get me wrong, every child has their own quirks, challenges, personality, and gifts. However, I felt like had simply won the lottery of life as a parent when goals were reviewed, assistance was covered, and they were absolutely thrilled with his progress. As I sat in my car alone, I simply just took a moment to cry happy tears because I have been the one fighting for this kid since he was 18 months old and pounding his head on the floor in frustration since he couldn’t hear anything. I have been the one making sure that every teacher has been aware that he loses things, has moments of hyperactivity, fidgets a lot, and just has a constant motor going. However, that has eased. I am now the Mom who is reminding him to wash his uniform for this week’s meet, asking him if he finished an assignment showing in Canvas, making him email teachers when he has a question or needs something, and the list goes on. So for just a moment in time, out of nowhere when a teacher simply tells you that he has a good support system at home you just cry. Then, you buy that special coffee you save for special occasions and smile like you have just won life’s lottery.
Jackson, you are my greatest and best challenge. Yes, I love your two younger brothers to pieces, but you have challenged me more than anyone ever in my life and I am so proud of the young man that you are blossoming into before my very eyes.
I know college looms upon the horizon, but for once I am not worried. With a smile on my face right now, I can safely say that we have done a wonderful job with my son even though there has been divorce and despite other odds stacked against us. You are a fighter, Jackson, and I know that whatever you decide to do will be remarkable.
Love, your Mom